Wednesday, March 16, 2011

IMPORTANT Lunar PMS information!

I should really be going to sleep, but I thought of something CRUCIAL that I forgot to share, and while the words to talk about it are still somewhere in my head I am going to do my duty and share it (and I might regret publishing, yet again, a post written after midnight, but that's the risk I gotta take).

***If you are a post pubertal or pre menopausal woman you need to read this!, if you are a man who lives or works with a woman in that age group you need to read this!, however, if you (men) find it useful and would like to recommend it to said woman PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION, I repeat, EXERCISE EXTREME TACT when recommending this post***

Here it is:

I am PMS-ing, or rather... SHOULD BE!

And, in fact, the convergence of the Days Before My Period (capitalized because you have to show them respect or they will totally pwn you (how hip am I that I can correctly use the term "PWNED" and its variations?)) and the Days Before The Full Moon (see "respect" above) would normally bring about a cataclysm of hormonal, chemical, energetic, psychic and psychological imbalances capable of bringing about the end of a perfectly good 17 year old marriage, or, at least, the end of all chocolate ice cream and tortilla chips in the house.

AND, and, aaaand, considering that the full moon we are about to have on the 19th has been labeled a "super moon", one would expect the needle of the psycho-meter to be shaking in the red zone right about now. And yet, here I am, happy, peaceful, patient, and ever so humorous (at least way funnier than my husband, but we'll get into that one some other day).

Hmmmmmm, you say, "so what's has made the difference, oh soon-to-be-enlightened-and-skinny one?"

Why, my Raw Food Lenten Fast of course!!!

Seriously, the only other times in my life when I (WE really because, unfortunately for them, my family can't tie me up in the barn during those 1-3 days) have not had to suffer/muscle/pray/medicate myself through PMS (especially when coinciding with the moon) have been those when I was:

a. Following a ridiculously healthy and simple diet and

b. Singing in an opera (during which time I become this uber human version of myself, who exercises and meditates daily, and eats moderate-sized servings of very healthy foods -except for the fast food burger and fries dinner I treat myself to before the show, but this works for me, I promise, otherwise my sugar will drop halfway through the performance and I end up having to use the baritone as a crutch to get me through my blocking)

So you see Lunatic PMS Sufferers of the world, there IS a cure and it is so so simple! I hope you try it next month, happy menstruating!

1 comment:

  1. Happy Menstrauting!!!! wuahahahhahahahahahahha