Friday, April 1, 2011

Days 23 & 24, you'd think it'd be getting easier instead of harder

Yesterday I didn't post anything because I was in an awful mood when I got home.

I had been planning my evening in my head, everything I was going to tackle and accomplish, everything I was going to get done, ahhhhh I love checking things off in my To Do list!

But no, what has been happening lately is that I walk in the house and it sucks all my energy. I become so overwhelmed I get immediately sleepy (we have construction going on in the living room (a lot of which requires sweat equity on our part), almost every room has furniture or stuff that belongs to a relative who recently moved and we have to either store her things or figure out what to do with them, we are also going to create a bedroom for L1 in the loft so there are things that need to be moved but we are waiting until we really move her up there, the flower beds have weeds that already need dealing-with and we haven't taken off their "winter blanket" (hay) because we're still getting frost at night but that will come next, that's on top of the taxes (I haven't even started), the laundry, going through mail, paying bills, and, oh yeah, feeding the kids following their specific diets (L1 is vegetarian for Lent and L2 needs to eat extra healthy because of her immune system) and feeding myself --did I mention I am not a "cook"?).

Now, let me stop here and explain that I really do realize how spoiled I sound when I whine about my To Do list, my ADD (or my lack of organizational skills, you decide), and my lack of help. I will be the first one to tell you I am the most blessed person I know, and I also realize that I chose all these lessons/situations, and I am still dealing with them because I still have a lot to learn in this area. I am also painfully aware that I am more privileged than 80% of the people in this planet (at least!) and I should be ashamed that I let myself get in such a state.

But some days are better than others...

Yesterday was tough. I really wanted carbs. I have not been craving meat, I crave cooked veggies and especially some carbs, tortilla chips, some Baked Lays that I bought for L2 (I know, but they are a treat and they give me a lot of leverage if she's starts to be a diva), saltines, just something crunchy and salty (see point #4 about the texture of food). I got home and I slapped in the face as soon as I walked in by the unending and every growing list of Things That STILL Need To Be Done plus the normal To Do list. I was not happy and I did not want to just drown my pissiness in alcohol because that's a stupid coping mechanism AND it's fattening!

So I worked on putting varnish on the new trim on the ceiling and stewed in my own crankiness all night.

I apologize, and I ask God to forgive me for not following through on my Lenten promise just because I was being bratty.

Today was better, thank the Lord. I had my smoothie for breakfast (with some super green powder in it but I think it made me really gassy, I may have to quit that!). I went to work and on the drive back had some dried apples and two side salads from Wendy's with Marzetti's Ranch Avocado dressing (Yu-huuuum!). At home I had some more dried fruit and some water, but I was really craving this new snack Loren made up...

I am not exaggerating when I tell you this is The Best Snack Ever

I give you:   (OK OK really it was Loren that gave it to you).....

Wasabi Soy Walnuts

I had a good 1/2 cup of those.
We were working on the ceiling so I never had "dinner" but I grazed on walnuts, dried apples, olives and home-made flackers, and yes, now I am having a cup of white wine.

So I should go now, I am supposed to get up in 7 hours (which would be about 2-3 more hours than I have been getting) to go to a HOT yoga class (my first, wish me luck!)

Have a wonderful night, enjoy the new snack  :)

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