Day 38, Forgive me Father, For I Have Sinned

I REALLY DID NEED THE CAFFEINE.

I had my smoothie for breakfast and that helped a bit, and I kept chewing gum because I ready that can make you feel alert. But as the morning progressed, so did my sleepiness and my inability to concentrate (I think it still has to do with my liver treatment yesterday). I went out and got my new favorite Wendy's item (yes, the Baja salad sans chili rides again) and I was supposed to go right back to work for a couple of possible cases in district court, and I just couldn't be yawning and asking the judge and the prosecutor to repeat themselves, and hoping they didn't complain to my boss, and agh!

SO I DID IT, I DID IT!!!! I got a cup of coffee...


with cream...


and I drank about a third of it,

trying not to enjoy it, I swear!

And I really kind of didn't, no, honestly, really, it wasn't that good! I drank it as I walked and I wish I could have recorded the guilty chatter in my brain... "hmm, it's ok, not that good, yes it's nice to be drinking it, but it's no hazelnut latte, you know, I just need a little bit of caffeine, I will check this docket, will they need me here?, see? I just had a sip and swallowed before I could really taste it at all! I am not really enjoying it! it's no big deal, it is just like the lukewarm Pepsi, no big deal, see? another mindless sip, I don't really like this, it is just like medicine"

I only had a little bit, then I left it in the office and went to ask the prosecutors if the Spanish speakers had appeared.

After looking around, and asking, and asking some more I finally became convinced I would not be needed, but left the prosecutors with my number just in case. Then I headed back downstairs to wait for that possible call before going home for the day...

all the way down all I could think of was that cup of coffee, its exact location on the desk, the fact that it was probably still warm, would the office smell like it? My brain: "NO NO NO, I was not enjoying it that much, in fact, when I go back I probably won't even drink any more of it, why am I thinking about it like it was Holy Water? C'mon! I'm just going to throw it away, no, no, I don't need to do THAT, I wasn't even enjoying it!"

So I went back and sat on a chair near the desk, looked at the coffee for a while and finally took another drink, only to discover that, indeed, it wasn't that good, and that's when I threw it away.


PS. For dinner I had a spinach salad with broccoli, red pepper, pepitas, cucumber and hummus.