Day 26, Why am I not ecstatic all the time?

Today was a pretty busy day, as Sundays are anymore, so I didn't get to post anything earlier.
I am also determined to get to sleep before 11:30pm (I was doing some research yesterday on the thyroid, because my weight loss seems to have plateaued and the first thing I read was "exercise and adequate sleep are essential for proper thyroid function", ugh! I turned off the the light at 11:15ish last night, and my goal is to do so before 11:30 for the rest of Lent (at least), unless I have a hot date with my husband of course!) so I have to make this quick.

Food wise today was a challenge, but I tried to keep a good attitude. Had my smoothie (thank God for my smoothie!) on the way to church, afterward we spent a while at Fellowship Hall visiting with people as they ate brownies with runny frosting (I meant that in the BEST possible way, these things looked incredible), tortilla chips with nacho cheese (!!!!!) and carrots/celery with ranch dressing. I had a few carrots with ranch.

Then we were invited to lunch at a friends house, we brought Asian Slaw (but I messed up and grabbed the curry instead of the ginger, so it was actually Sub-Continental Slaw*) and some Costa Rican style mashed black beans (so L2 could have some protein, she went vegetarian for Lent), she had prepared a great salad and an amazing smelling lasagna, oh, and chocolate cake. At one point our very gracious hostess brought out home-made garlic bread and put a slice on everyone's plate, including Loren's and mine. I immediately said, regretfully, "I can't eat it!" and she said "not even the bread?", her daughter said "it's cooked", and Loren said "BE NICE". So I spent the rest of the meal eating my salad with the piece of garlic bread (actual chunks of buttered, slivered garlic looking at me with bedroom eyes) sitting on my plate.

It was very nice to visit with friends.

Then we went to visit an elderly friend who has dementia and is in a nursing home. She was always a very busy woman who held important positions with lots of responsibilities, and she always worried about something. So now that she has no responsibilities and literally nothing to worry about, her brain seems to be stuck on her default setting, "Extreme Worry", and it creates elaborate and complicated scenarios, sometimes complete with menacing hallucinations, that range from worrisome to terrifying. She kept insisting on asking us for help with the (non-existing) situation that was worrying her, and no amount of reassurance would convince her that she was not going to have to drive to work alone in the dark. L1 and L2 were visibly uncomfortable and we were all at a loss as to what to do (L2 had the best idea and she drew her a Happy Easter card).

During this visit I had a life-altering epiphany (at least I intend to make it life-altering). I realized that I am no longer a worrier, thank God, but I am not yet an "enjoyer". This past week I have found myself cruising by on emotional neutral, not angry, frustrated or sad, but definitely not happy. And it HIT me....
Is my default setting apathetic??

My life is AMAZING, I have been saying for years that I am the most blessed person I know so why don't I run out of bed every morning screaming "THE SUN CAME UP TODAAAAAAYYYY!  WOOOO HOOOO! WE STILL HAVE A GORGEOUS HOUSE ON A FARM! WE ALL WOKE UUUUUUUP! LOOK AT THE BABY PIGS, THE HORSE, THE GOAT, THE DOOOOOGS! I LOVE OUR ANIMALS YAAAAAAY! MY PRIUS IS IN THE DRIVEWAY! I GET TO GO TO WORK AND HELP PEOPLE!! I HAVE HEALTHY FOOD TO EAT! I CAN JUST TURN ON THE FAUCET AND CLEAN WATER COMES OUT!!WE HAVE    H O T    WATER THAT GETS PIPED DIRECTLY INTO OUR BATHROOMS! O MY LOOOOORD, THIS IS AMAAAAZING!

In all seriousness, why am I not ecstatic all the time?

Now, I realize that it would be pretty unrealistic for me to expect that I can flip a switch and turn into a manic ball of appreciation 24-7, but I want my new default setting to be.... Happy and not just as in content happy, but as in bursting into spontaneous laughter happy. So if ever my brain were to deteriorate like hers has (cancel cancel!!) I will be a HAPPY old confused lady in a nursing home, or if I am in an accident that ends my life at a young age (CANCEL CANCEL), I will have enjoyed each day I had to the fullest (at least each day from today on!!).

Thank you for reading, I hope you will get something out of this too. Oh, and I ate more Sub-Continental Slaw* for dinner followed by dried apricots and apples.

*this was Loren's joke, he is upset I stole it.

PS. Tonight the moon is new, a perfect time to set intentions and get started on new projects and goals!!